Your Relationship With English In Four Stages

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My community of English learners is really something. This group of inspiring individuals – who are there for each other, sharing challenges and amazing wins – is something I’m grateful to be a part of. I was particularly touched by my student Valentina Moraca’s words. Valentina reflected on her English journey and the different turns it has taken, and I think anyone learning or practicing English can take something from her reflection.

“The truth is, the way I view English and my relationship with English has evolved over the years,” she says. “For a really long time it was bittersweet. Then I found Hadar and 🔥😎 You know what I mean! ❤️ The main win that I got with this program, in fact, went deeper than pronunciation and fluency, because it showed me how to stop fearing English and create A NEW WAY to approach it. Thanks to that, the transition between one phase to another was so incredible and unexpected that I still don't believe it!”

Looking back on her personal development, she identified four phases to the relationship between non native speakers and English. Here is what she shared with us:

Phase 1: The Non-existent Relationship

When you literally don’t care what your English level is, because this doesn’t impact your life at all.

Fun fact: You can keep singing songs by making up the lyrics because nobody seems to notice or care, and you seem in tune, so… why not?! XD / I don’t know about you guys, but in my family, we were good at it. Ask my father! 

Phase 2: The Troubled Relationship

When you get to a point where your judgment about your ‘level’ and how you sound affects your happiness, controls your opportunities and relationships, and has power over your self-worth. No matter how much you rationally value yourself, you may risk questioning who you are and what you can achieve in your life. What’s the main problem here? You put the focus on the wrong purpose: a ‘score' and judgment.

Fun fact: You have always studied English by completely ignoring how to really approach it.
When I started this course I asked myself: If English is not a phonetic language, why do they always teach it in school without explaining or mentioning the importance of pronunciation?
The few times I tried to imitate the melody of English – without any knowledge of the facts – some friends told me: “Come on, what is that?” “Could you speak ‘normally’?” So, I kept talking in English with an Italian accent to not ‘overdo it’ – and it’s tooootally my bad 😆

Phase 3: The Blast (Hadar’s program)

When you realize that something needs to change: you want to feel better, clearer, confident. You have dreams and plans, you want to take a career leap and you want to be effective, even with using another language that is not yours from birth.

Out of the blue, you realize how messed up the process makes you feel, but you allow yourself to flow in deep – exactly to the extent that you need it. This is a healing phase, to relearn that your self-worth is not related to your English level or to any ‘level'. Because as long as you evaluate yourself only on the basis of the results, you’ll never be satisfied and serene. (This is true for life in general, but you need time to process it).

Thanks to Hadar’s sensitive and visionary approach and her team that supports it, and thanks to all the community stories, you understand that the voice that judges you is your own mind evaluating every ‘possible’ scenario… you make the difference in the way you react to that voice. In fact, you can observe how we are the incredibly imperfect amount of all our amazing efforts, intentions, and attempts – even those that have failed. (My tons of discarded videos can speak to that!)

In the third phase, you feel that somehow you are getting to know yourself again, and you’re not worried about discovering these extra pieces of information. You can’t wait to see the progress because you understand that your essence can emerge anyway, and surprisingly, even more than you expected. (Me acting???)

Fun fact: Finally, you find someone who explains English to you like no one else before. You not only observe the language from another point of view, but you learn to approach it with fun, useful tools that work all around you and for you.

Phase 4: The empowered relationship

The final stage is hard to reach and especially hard to keep, but it’s possible and even more freeing and proactive than the previous stage. I can feel it. Let me introduce you to Number FOUR (watch this video).

What do you think? Does this resonate with you? Let Valentina and me know in the comments below if you’ve also tried to watch your English journey from the outside? What came to mind when you reflected on your journey?

If you want to be our student and have a blast with us too, join us in the new program that opens on May 13th!

A NEW TRANSFORMATIONAL PROGRAM

that will change your English!

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19 Comments on “Your Relationship With English In Four Stages”

  1. Valentina’s statements really resonate with me. Since I discovered Hadar’s video on youtube for the first time in 2020, something definitely changes in my English journey. For the first time in more than 10 years trying to speak English without any success, I take PLEASURE to speak, with my mistakes. Nowadays, I DARE even at a professional level, a thing impossible for me years before, stuck with my lack of confidence, my negative opinion about my English pronunciation, the fear of being misunderstood, etc. Speaking confidently English is a long journey, I believe I am on the way to phase 4 but I want to pursue this journey, looking forward to attending this new program. I am waiting on pins and needles.

    1. Hello Monique. This is Karen from Team Shemesh.
      I’m glad that you’re interested in our new course.

      You will receive an email on May 13th with all the details about the program, how to join and the price of the course 🙂

  2. I guess I’m between phase 3 and 4.

    Valentina is inspirational!!

    Looking forward to the new program starting next week.

    1. Hello. This is Karen from Team Shemesh.
      I’m glad that you’re interested in our new course.

      You will receive an email on May 13th with all the details about the program, how to join and the price of the course 🙂

  3. Wow, what an inspiring text Valentina! 💗👏🏻
    I believe I’m having a combinated relationship to English. Unfortunately it’s still quite troubled. But since I found The Accentsway and Beyond I’ve started to force myself to speak up more (even if I still got that criticized voice in my head). I’ve got so inspired both by Hadar and all the encouraging members. I’ve noticed a small improvement a few weeks ago. My boyfriend is a native speaker, well he speaks Swedish too, but he never wants to speak English with me because he “doesn’t understand what I’m saying”. And yeah you can imagine my confidence when speaking English infront of him… But recently I needed to tell him some short information in English so our kids would’nt understand. And while I was speaking I felt that some words came naturally, and when I got stuck, those seconds didn’t feel like hours anymore. I’m so happy to started this journey with you! 🌸

  4. Learning English is some part of learning yourself so as English learning journey is some part of Great Each Person Life Journey. If your priorities have set up in a right way then all your activity bring satisfaction and pleasure to you. Any phase is interesting. I wish all of you right way spiritual state. Dear Hadar, you are making good and useful job.

    1. Hello,
      This is Karen from Team Shemesh. Thank you for your comment!
      I wish you the best in your English journey 🙂

  5. This is now the beginning of my journey to success in English. Thank you Hadar and the team! For me I think I am in phase 2.

  6. I’m confident to say that I am on phase 4. I’m practicing English for many years and I went through many troubles grammar and pronunciation. When I started recognizing the differences between the sounds in English and the sounds I was making, and when I was able to imitate those sounds, then my English learning went to another level. It is very important to have a good teacher and Hadar who has mastered the English language herself, knows how to teach foreigners to speak English fluently. I’m not yet there, but I enjoy learning. Thanks Hadar!

    1. Hello,
      This is Karen from Team Shemesh.
      I’m so happy to hear that Hadar’s content and resources have been helpful with your learning journey. It’s so rewarding for us to receive such messages.

  7. I’ve been in a troubled relationship with her, because I loved her since I knew her, but feel very frustrated when I can’t manage my listening and talking.
    I’d really like to improve this long term relationship for good.

  8. Laszlo Latzkovits
    05.05.2021 AT 02:25
    Hi Hadar !
    As an 86 years old intellectual Don Quixote, I still feel impulse to try to encounter myself again hand-in-hand with my English. She has been my best life-mate over decades but recently she seems
    to neglect me sometimes. Your program promises to renew my relationship with her. (I hope my health will not interfere.) Thank you for it. Laszlo

  9. Hi Hadar !
    As an 86 years old intellectual Don Quixote, I still feel impulse to try to encounter myself again hand-in-hand with my English. She has been my best life-mate over decades but recently she seems
    to neglect me sometimes. Your program promises to renew my relationship with her. (I hope my health will not interfere.) Thank you for it. Laszlo

  10. Thank dear you are such an amazing person -I feel a little stuck in phase 2 to 3 I know my mistake but I can take advantage..I’m working on my pronunciation and listen but continued to be hard
    .

  11. thanks a lot, Hadar! I love your podcasts, your way to teach english, your content of each email! I think, I’ll be the next one in your ‘transformational program’ ;O) see you!

    1. Hello,
      This is Karen from Team Shemesh. Thank you so much for your email!
      I’m glad that you find Hadar’s materials useful.
      It’s so rewarding for us to receive such messages.

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